Lately I have been talking to different people about what they want out of relationships. As I continued to have these discussion, I learned that there are some misconceptions about what people classify as standards. Those “Standard” conversations often moved into what classifies as settling.

Standards are what matters the most but our preferences maybe the thing that keeps us single for too long. Now have you ever heard men speak about their preferences as it’s a “standard”? i.e she have to be short, small waist, degrees, etc? Now on the other foot, have you ever heard a women speak about their “must” preference like 6ft, cook like Jesus, fat bank account and a body of a god?

The question you maybe asking is what exactly is standards vs preferences. Well to answer your question, standards are what you need and preferences are your likes and dislikes. Standards are your morals and values and preferences are the things you’d like your partner to have. Saying that, let’s dive a little deeper.

We have to understand what is our need for the foundation and structure our relationships. There are too many times we will settle and sacrifice our needs for what we want. Once we dial in our standards, we can build our preferences.

As we may confuse standards and preferences, we also often confuse chemistry and compatibility. Look at chemistry as the intensity of the relationship and compatibility as intimacy of a relationship.

Chemistry can bind couples together early in relationships but can often fade when there’s no compatibility. Now don’t get me wrong, you can have chemistry and compatibility with a person but it is important to be able to identify each properly and have a good balance. You can classify compatibility as as having an authentic connection with someone you like and respect as they go throughout their day. Compatibility comes in when the honeymoon stage wears off and you see the person for who they are. That compatibility helps a partner be supportive when you navigate unpredictable changes in your life. Chemistry can help you through the trials but compatibility will allow you to find meaning and set realistic future goals in your relationship.

~fin~